There is a lot of talk about "Setting Boundaries"  these days.  It seems everyone is doing it.  But before jumping on that bandwagon, let's be sure we are setting our boundaries in ways that create positive working relationships.  

There are three ways we try to tell others about behaviours that cross our boundaries:  

Herding is about controlling others’ behaviour or telling people what they can or cannot do because of our needs. We don't get to do this if we don't want others telling us what we have to do as well.  Telling others what to do to meet our emotional needs might be good in an intimate relationship, but it likely won't fly for long at work.  

Planting flags is about establishing who we are and letting everyone know it.  It is about telling others how you want them to perceive you. It often involves demanding "special" treatment or taking a stand against another person who has treated us with disrespect.  

We tend to want to do these two things when we feel we have been mistreated or disrespected.    

Boundary setting in the workplace lays out the perimeters of your role and the actions you personally wiill or will not take.  It says, this little square of grass is my area and here is what I will be doing on it.  It may include procedures for crossing or our square of grass.  It is more about the processes that enable you to work together productively. 

When we dictate how others need to interact with us, by planting flags or herding, we sound like we are the ones telling them what to do, which can be sticky, especially when twe are not that person's boss. Instead, try letting them know what the procedures are.  It is the procedures in charge, not you.      

How It Looks:   

You work in purchasing for a large organization.  One of the department managers is constantly sending you last minute, “rush” and emergency orders on incomplete forms that don’t give adequate details to make the purchases for their department and ring up express shipping charges that you are not authorized to submit.   They also don’t not seem to know how to add a signature on the online form.  You end up trying to figure out what is needed, find the fastest sourcing on you own and make quick delivery arrangements.  You’ve helped out  more than once by ordering quick and getting an authorization signature later.  Last month you had to rush order some office supplies.  When you ordered them fast, it was not exactly what the department manager  wanted and they refused to sign.  You were able to find another department who took the supplies ff your hands, but this can’t go on.    

You really need to set a boundary.  You want to say they have to re-read the manual on submitting purchase requests and stop submitting incomplete forms.  In fact, they should submit all requests 10 days in advance from now on.  Also, you want to say they just can’t walk all over you like a door mat.

Let’s revise this line by line. 

Herding:  You need to re-read the manual on submitting purchase requests. 

Planting a Flag:  I will only process purchase requests that are filled out exactly according to the manual. 

Even better:  Purchase requests that follow the procedure in the manual are processed.  

Herding:  You should submit all of your requests ten days in advance. 

Planting a Flag:   I will process your requests in the order I receive them, and I am not rushing delivery anymore.

Requests get processed in the order they are received and usually take about ten days for delivery.  

Herding:  Stop submitting incomplete forms. 

Planting a Flag: From now on, I will only process purchase request forms from you that are complete with signature, and have all the information filled out. 

Incomplete forms can’t be processed.

When you set your boundaries clearly and professionally, others will understand that you are not a door mat, so you won’t have to say it.